I Came Back For This?

13 sunny days. Great beer and food. Great people too. Belgium exceeded even my expectations. So I came back to this? Cold rain every f-ing day? What are you kidding me? Where is my passport, I'm going back. For the rest of those kind people who are bored of playing solitaire all day and staring at the rain drops which keep falling on my head, I give you this The Last Bottle Left A blow by blow account of my trip to Belgium. Part one is up now, but have patience, I've got 13 days to go .

The French Honor "Pookie de Hand"

De Tijger van Bengalen Has Returned from Exile!

I have returned from the shortest exile in the history of recorded civilization. I will hunt down the traitors who hijacked my good (name?) and they will be severely punished. You shall not call me by my old name or I will be forced to laugh hysterically at my new one. I will slowly begin to return this blog back to it's rightful place among the bottom feeders of the blogging world. Thank you for your patience in this matter.

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN!

Batten down the hatches, the kids are back in town and getting ready to hit the Northside for tex-mex night. Watch us cause a commotion by ordering beers we were drinking on a daily basis.

Deck's Open, Dan's Almost Back

Well, ok folks it's time i fessed up.

Dan Bengel is not and has not been in Belgium for, like, two weeks. Yes he'll be back around tomorrow at some point. Sure he'll get on here and make some post:

"Hey everybody, hope you enjoyed Pimp My Blog. Belgium was great, i did this and that and boy did we drink some beer." You'll believe it, you'll think this post you're reading right now was all some kind of weird joke or something. He'll go on and on and on and post up all these pictures from Belgium in some Ortino's related and linked to blogspace, but i am telling you it's all untrue. Dan's not even 50, he's 51.

See the whole twisted thing got started around this time last year. Festival season was slowly creeping in, Ortino's was planning some majorly cool events, there was a lot of excitement and a lot of Quality Control sessions and Dan actually missed his 50th birthday. Just slipped everybody's minds, ya know?

Little did Big Dan know this would be the most fortunate lapse of reason and memory that he'd ever have. After being charmed time and time again by his posts and announcements, a few companies in the brewing industry really started taking a good hard look at Dan. One of which happened to be the Miller Brewing Company. They scouted Dan for the latter months of 2007 and sometime around February approached him with an offer he couldn't refuse.

I shouldn't even be telling you this, but it's something you should all know. Things are going to be a lot different when Dan starts poking his head around the bar again this weekend.

Dan, having already been 50 when the scouts started looking at him last year, fell just under the umbrella of Miller's Elderly Outreach - Beers For Peers program. He's a suit and tie guy now who will be travelling the country trying to get Miller tap handles in retirement communities from West Palm Beach to Walla Walla. If you look even close to retirement age, he's gonna pitch you the latest in Miller's "Community Reserve" line. With his keen eye on the finer beers of life, which are sure to appeal to the elderly who are seemingly immune to Miller's normal ad campaigns (they did a study), Big Dan is the ultimate sales threat for his new employer. He relates to the product and to the audience. He gets the big picture.

He's even been taking part in brand strategy meetings with Miller online and via telephone for months. He's rumored to have had a hand in several of their exclusive brands, including:

Cuvee De Puree
Alzheimer's Ale
Slow Driver Stout
Hearing Aid Hefe
Biere De Farte

He is also apparently going to have his own line of Old Ales coming out once he's established himself in the marketplace. His face will be on each can and bottle so that the people in the old folks homes remember him when he visits.

So how do you make twenty some people disappear, think they've been in Belgium, and come back with plenty of stories to tell? One word: Drugs.

This is a disturbing development, i know, just keep an eye on the guy when he starts showing up in your favorite bars.

Dr. Joel, over & out.